Sep 01
Two months down already. Time is whizzing by it seems. We are at day 63 since my husband left for Afghanistan, and closing in on a third of the way done. This month has been filled with excitement, a bit of drama, vacation, new experiences and some frustrations. As I am finally settling into my deployment period routine the nights are getting earlier (though not early enough yet,) the sleep is getting better (though not good enough yet,) the task list is still long, some chores still get pushed aside and the tears are now few and far between. I have learned to rely on others and to reach out to my network of support to maintain my sanity and keep my life from falling apart.
Lessons Learned:
Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes -You never know when you will meet you next friend or gain your next inspiration.
Know who to ask for what – Identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs. This brings to mind the familiar saying, “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” Do not expect gushing support from your reserved details person and don’t expect a detailed action plan from your overly empathetic person.
Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.
You will have to disappoint some people – You can’t accommodate all requests for your time and attention even if you are Supermom. Don’t feel guilty about telling your kids that you can’t take them somewhere, buy them something or entertain them. Don’t feel bad if you need to take time off from work so that you can get appointments and errands done or to take a much needed break. Be honest if you don’t have time to take on that volunteer project or a new assignment at work. Yes, needing to spend time with my family and take care of my home are valid commitments.
Guard your time – I have become a ferocious hoarder and protector of my time. No, I won’t attend a meeting on the nights I am scheduled to Skype my husband. Yes, I do need to get my haircut, have an occasional massage and take time for exercise. Just because I work from home does not mean that I am available all day for taxi service or unnecessary phone calls or Facebook chats.
Once again this month I have discovered that by stretching just a bit beyond my comfort zone I can experience some wonderful new things. I can do more, have more and be more than I ever could have envisioned. Perhaps my biggest lesson learned this month is that I am already capable of so much more than I thought possible. I wonder what other treasures lie still inside that I have yet to unearth. Life is full of exciting possibilities…
Posted in: Deployment Diary.
Tagged: change · family · lessons learned · support · time · vacation
Aug 29
I wake up at 5:45. The sun is just starting to peak through and I can’t wait to start my day. I am not so happy that I am up this early on a Sunday, but at least I am starting to wake up at a decent hour and hopefully I can get back on my former routine and get back into my groove. I break out the French press for my weekly Sunday treat and out I go to read my paper. I look forward all week long to leisurely Sunday mornings to enjoy the slower pace, relax a bit and not have to finish a lengthy to-do list. I still get a few items done usually, but it’s up to me what I work on and they are generally things I enjoy. It is cold out at 6AM, so I grab wrap up in my blanket and settle in. I really miss sitting with Anthony at times like these. We so enjoy this time together.
It is getting warmer so I head out for a walk while it’s still comfortable and then I take Caitlin and Elijah to Jumbos for our traditional breakfast treat. Caitlin gets her bigger than the plate pancake and we send pictures to Anthony so he can “share” in the experience. I love email. I’m not sure he wanted to share that much, but we do enjoy teasing him. When we get back home, the kids play with Bob, the hamster in his play yard while I clean his cage. I don’t mind this job anymore; I’m getting used to it.
Caitlin heads off to the state fair and then back to school. I hardly get to see her anymore and really miss her when she is gone. I think she will be back in a few weeks, so it won’t be too long this time. Elijah and I trim the bushes out front and weed the flower beds. Actually I trim and he dumps the wheel barrow. It’s a good system for us. Then we decide to tackle the pool. He gets his suit on and bravely wades into the murky water. I have never vacuumed or cleaned the pool, but I am determined to get it back in shape. It is disgusting and it upsets me that I didn’t realize it was getting so dirty. I never go swimming and I was so busy this week that I hardly even ventured out back at all. Elijah shows me how to hook up the vacuum hose and after some tears, foot stomping and grumbling we manage to be operational. It takes me a good hour or two to scrub the green and vacuum all the sediment but finally it is clean. I dump some more algaecide in and feel relieved. That’s two major outdoor projects completed today! It is sweltering by this time and we decide to stay inside and cool off for a while. The air conditioning feels really nice right now.
I finish up some writing and then Elijah and I head to the ice cream place for a “Monkey Feast” dinner. I promised him a reward for all of our hard work and he is determined to collect. It contains six scoops of ice cream, three toppings, two bananas, tons of whipped cream and the requisite maraschino cherries on top. My eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, but he is doing what I suspect is the ice cream dance. I manage to eat about a third of it and unbelievably my skinny eleven year old boy finishes the rest. We have pictures to prove it! So much fun!
Before
After
Tonight is my Skype date night with Anthony and I have been looking forward to it all week. Although I don’t think I will be able to eat any dessert as is our usual custom. My stomach is still on ice cream overload. It is really wonderful to be able to see and hear him in real time. This technology makes the whole thing so much more bearable. We catch up, make plans, and even disagree a bit. It may sound terrible, but I think that is a good thing. It means that we have settled into a comfortable routine of sorts and are back to normal (at least what passes for a temporary normal.) Today was a very good day. It has been a long, hard, busy week. I am off to bed. I am almost afraid to wonder what the next week will bring, but I hope it is terribly boring.
Posted in: Deployment Diary.
Tagged: family · food · kids · pleasures · weekend
Aug 26
My day is actually going along pretty well and I have a fairly productive morning. Then I get one of those calls that every mother dreads. Daniel, my 19 year old son, has been in an accident. He lost control and rolled my sister’s car on a terribly curvy road on his way back from visiting his girlfriend. The bottom drops out of my stomach and I swear my heart stops. I’m not sure how I continue to breathe and have brain function. Miraculously he is all right, physically at least. Mentally he is a wreck. He is in shock, shaking and emotional. Who wouldn’t be? I know it’s just the adrenaline and the emotional reality that he has narrowly escaped serious injury or worse. I recognize it and can understand as I had all of the same reactions after my harrowing crash this spring. It is somehow, so much worse when it is your child though. I stay calm, offer comfort and take control of the aftermath. I make the necessary phone calls, pay the towing bill and help get the car moved to a place that won’t charge storage fees. Did I mention that my sister and her family are on vacation in North Carolina? They have not taken a vacation so long and I feel so bad about the situation, but there is nothing that can be done to change it now. The important thing is that my son is still in one piece. Now I can fall apart. I call my friend, Tanya because I frankly don’t know what else to do. Usually Anthony talks me down, takes control and comforts me but he’s not here. I can’t even call him. I feel so frustrated right now; angry if I’m being honest. I should not have to do all of this alone, but I do…
Posted in: Deployment Diary.
Tagged: anxiety · crisis · family
